After the Fear

Do you ever dream that you are flying? I have always wanted to have this dream. To me, it represents freedom. Fearlessness. Happiness. My dreams are about falling. Usually out of a window of a very tall building, after I’ve tried to dig my fingernails into a solid surface floor to prevent my descent. Makes me queasy, just thinking about it. I wake up frightened and forlorn on the mornings that I remember my dreams.

So what does this mean? Do dreams really mean anything, or are they just our unconscious minds, throwing out the garbage? I don’t know. But what I do know is that I have spent a large part of my life being an anxious person. And even though my dreams continue this trend, I try not to.

When fears start showing up, I give them a minute to state their case, then I work on letting them go. I meditate. I remember that I am connected to a universe that is just waiting for me to tap in and download the abundance that it has to offer. I remember that I have been given gifts, just like everyone else, that help me to contribute to this world. I trust my inner guidance system.

So, I am going to have a large number of our books printed in January, even though I am afraid that it won’t sell beyond my immediate circle, and I will be stuck with a closet full of books. So what if I do? I will have gifts for years to come. And what if, say, they sell because it’s a great message to put out into the world, and then I have to order more and more?

I am going to contact schools and try to get in to read our book to the kids, even though groups of small children kind of scare me. What’s the worst thing that could happen? I’m bigger than them, after all. I’m pretty sure I can take them. And what if they love it? What if one of those kids is a little red crayon growing up in a green family, and they find out that they are fabulous, just the way they are?

I know I’m not the only one out there struggling with insecurities. But folks, for all of our fears and neuroses, we are also awesome and powerful and creative. I know this to be true. And that truth trumps all the rest. Just like Emerald, we are fantastic, just the way we are.

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